Redneck Jokes (II)
I was in the backyard one beautiful day; I said to my mother,
"Mama, why don't I have no brother and sister."
She said, "Go away and play. Don't worry your mother, dear.
As lazy as your father was, you're lucky that you got here."
--- Nipsy Russell
Q: What is the most common phrase heard by a redneck divorce lawyer?
A: "If we get divorced, will be still be cousins?"
( Supplied by my Math 1509 student John Spriggle. )
Bob, Billy, and Jethro were standing on one another's shoulders trying to measure
a flag pole. Just then, Betty Sue walked by.
"Why don't you just take down the pole and measure it on the ground?" she asked.
"Sometimes women are so dumb," muttered Billy. "We want to measure its height,
not its width."
After eating dinner at a local diner, Clayton left the waitress three dimes as a tip.
The nest day, he came back again and got the same waitress. As he sat down, she said
to him, "I can tell your fortune by the tip you left me yesterday."
"You can?" said Clayton. "Go ahead"
"Well," she began, "since the three dimes were left in a straight line, it shows
you're very neat. The first dime shows you are thrify, amd the second dime shows
that you are a bachelor."
"Wow," marveled Clayton. "That's amazing. What does the thrid dime show?"
The third dime shows that your father was a bachlor, too."
Q. What is XXX?
A. Three rednecks co-signing a note.
The diner was full of people when an earthquake hit the small
North Carolina town.
"Don't worry," telled one customer. "I'm from
San Francisco. The best place to stand is in a door way."
With that, everyone in the diner headed for the door, except for Connie, who was left
standing in the middle of the room.
"What do I do?" she wailed. "I'm from Durham."
[If you have good jokes and would like to post them here, please let me
know. ]
[Last update: January 23, 1998]